everything, and everything ...

MDXXXIV 2011

2011-01-31T22:42:00.000+08:00

Random: I miss performing.

And this happened only a week ago.

Will I ever quit this after being part of it for almost a decade?

I wonder too.

And it's February tomorrow.

till then,

toodles

free.dom.

2011-01-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

*throws confetti in the air and scream FREEEDDOOOMM*

Okay, maybe I shall do that tomorrow. Last paper of the whole semester/exams and I really want to get it done and over with. SP53 saw me and social psychology not getting along at all. I really wonder why despite of the very interesting topics and details that actually wow me.

Dear Social Psychology,

I know we didn't get along at all this semester but I really like you. So can you please, please be super nice tomorrow and I will love you forever. I promise!

Love, me (:

Final paper tomorrow, 10am at RP. I wonder what time I should leave the house and make my way to RP. I need to plan my time and get some breakfast tomorrow. I need food and coffee. Yes, definitely coffee. Needs it like woah.

I have been sick for the couple of days. Down with fever, sorethroat and running nose. It just has to happen during the exams week. Tsk. But I am okay now except that I am left with a really sexy voice and cough to recover. Other than that, I am getting better (think it in a way because exams end tomorrow). I only have tomorrow to go out and enjoy good food and probably start my reading journey. Tomorrow to fully rest before the busy schedules I have for the next few weeks. Working routines going to start again on Thursday and I have to squeeze in tutoring slots. My February is already being filled with things to do and attend and work/tutoring is not included. I can foresee my holidays this time around will be gone just like that. My life is just, as awesome as it is. I AM AWESOMEZ.

I know I just got back from a getaway trip like 2 weeks ago. Call me mad please, but I am already planning to go out again this year. Philippines trip is being postpone for the time being and I really need to find out my school schedule after SP51 because I am going to start on 4th year already? DANG. I AM GRADUATING LIKE REAL SOON. It's like fuck, I have to make decisions on what to do after this. I HATE MAKING DECISIONS. SOMEONE SHOULD JUST ...........................!!!

Okay, I need to go now.

till then,
toodles

4 years later: 2011

2011-01-17T23:11:00.000+08:00

4 years later ♥

still the same people,

more matured than before,

definitely with more meat.

I should be mugging now.

EXAMS FASTER END LA.

till then,

toodles

Year 2007

2011-01-16T23:38:00.000+08:00

Year 2007.

the year we planned to wear skirts to go out?

same slippers, that hair.

Toa Payoh & Ang Mo Kio were the meeting place.

that guy and that guy and that guy.

and look where we are now.

we still look the same, with more meat.

HAHAHAHA.

was going through photos at fb and these were the first few "tagged" photos of me.

GAHH. 2007 was so long ago!

And we long ridiculously ridiculous!

Hi Girls, I love you guys more and more!

till then,

toodles

Hey. It's exams!

2011-01-13T13:22:00.000+08:00

I am not a Law student. But you get my point.

It's back to the end of the cycle again where I am suppose to be pulling my hair and tearing myself apart. It's the end of the semester and exams have officially crept in again and threatening the sleepless night and welcoming the eyebags and torturing our innocent brain out. And I am absolutely guilty right now because while I am suppose to be cramming mugging my hearts out, I am ~~happily~~ typing this out on my awesome bed where I think I lost one of my many pillows. And I am absolutely amazed on how my body reacts all the time during exams period, without fail.

To sum up, I am down with fever. Fml.
First paper tomorrow, 2pm at RP (again!).

till then,
toodles

Happy TWENTY.ELEVEN!

2011-01-10T19:11:00.000+08:00

I concluded 2011 by spending the last week of it in South Korea, Seoul. Nothing beats being overseas, out of the hectic Singapore and greeting the new year overseas with your 3 crazy friends plus one more who's webcam-ing from the homeland. With the chilling weather and white snow, 2010 has ended and hello 2011. (:

Or not.

2010. It had been one hell of a crazy year. Things happened this year was like woah and like woah. In all honestly, among the bad times I had and those times that I had attempted to run away and hide from the world, I have no idea how I managed to get out of it. It's like one minute I am there, the next minute I am not. The time in 2010 has been uber fast and right now, I am having slight trouble remember which events took place respectively. 2010 was about the things I had done and failed miserably and picking up the pieces again. It's about how that small gesture can brighten up one life. It's about moving on from the heartbreaks and sorrows from 2009. 2010 had not been a relatively good year for me overall. But one thing for sure, my 2010 had been childish. I turned 21 in 2010 and the only different I feel about myself is that I grew, sideways. Resolution #1: To lose weight! (again!) HAHA. To sum up my 2010, it had been crazy.

I reflected on myself in 2010. Sadly, I haven't been all year round. I had this self battle within the self. Eric Erickson's theory eh, on finding the identity stage. I think, in away, I had grown up to be slightly more matured than before and had this huge amount of angry, angst and hatred growing in me. I turned 21in 2010, with no dreams, no plans for my life. And sadly, like really sadly, I am actually okay with the plan-less future and pretty much am comfortable with it. But who am I kidding? Everyone thinks I am nuts and stupid and crazy and stuff like that. They have that set of "requirements" or whatever you call that of me. They expect me to be dadada and yayaya and lalala. I am really sorry to those that had faith in me and that I had truly disappoint you. I am 21, I get it. I need to get the future right and all. But I need that time, to think and reflect on what I really want to do. I am still standing firm with going with the flow with time because that is what suits me right now. Resolution #2: Get a life? Plan something little along the way.

I really do (:

HA. Nope, I did not find anyone special in 2010, nor am I in a relationship. And I am really not in love with anyone. Sorry to disappoint all of you, especially my dear friends ^^. The time will come for the right one, but not now. I am not ready to compromise things to be another person and definitely not ready to 'sacrifice' time. I had crushes, eyecandy along the way but nothing more than that. Perhaps, in 2011 will be the year? But nah, I doubt so.

Here I go again on how I appreciate every single one of my friends and how important they are in my life. While we are still here, standing strong with our friendship going on, nothing else matter. Thank you are just words that can never express how much I really appreciate them. Especially those, who had been there all the time. I have no idea what will I do without them. To all, thank you for the awesome (and sad) memories created throughout the year in 2010. (:

I have no idea what is installed for me in 2011. I have no idea what to expect. I have plans, but not plans that will lead me to my future. I expect a little more of the heartbreaks and a little more of the setbacks in life. 2011 should be there where I have to sit down somewhere, have a talk here and there with people I trust regarding my life and hopefully by 31st Dec 2011, when people ask me what's next after degree, I have the answer to their question. I want to get out of the country this year, too. Philippines in June with the girls. And end year, damn, I need the end year overseas plan. Anyone? Did I mentioned I had a job in 2010? Ha. Probably quitting and getting another one. Don't ask, just don't.

p/s: I had plastic surgery in Korea.

I AM JUST JOKING. THAT'S JUST A FACIAL MASK I HAD ON. (:

It's for Susu (she was webcamming with me). To give her a laugh on her birthday because I couldn't be there to celebrate with her.

HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR PEOPLE (:

wishes you a great year ahead!

till then,

toodles!

Withdrawal Symptoms

2011-01-08T00:57:00.001+08:00

HAHAHA.

Guess who made it to my deskstop?

New year post, coming up next!

Out of the country

2010-12-28T01:25:00.000+08:00

Hello from Seoul (:

update soon!

I need.

2010-12-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

cr: tumblr

I wanna close my eyes. I wanna sleep.

Can I do this all day long?

too long

2010-11-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

Earphones in, volumes up.

I wanna do this all day long.

life, as it is.

2010-11-03T23:11:00.001+08:00

Week 2 for school is ending pretty much in one day and the comes the long weekend. School, so far so good. Nothing in mind to have a rant on how awesome (not) school has been. I am enjoying social psychology lecture very much. It's very real, very deep and has very strong "impact" on daily life. Principles of Counseling is nice and I really like my tutorial tutor. She's very Singaporean and she makes the tutorial like a never ending story tale, if you get what I mean. And the fact that I love Thursday and Friday a lot is because I GET TO SIT IN CLASS WITH GOH SHUXIAN, like yay! We can like stare, bitch and whatever we feel like doing in class. And omg, I think I am the slowest around that this semester is real shit. Fucking crammed and packed. Not only that. I just peaked at my organizer and my days are filled with school (including datelines for presentation and assignments) and work and band and concert up till Christmas. I think, I have such a sad social life. I think my social life now revolves totally around school, band and work. I mean, yeah, where else could it be right? What I mean was, never mind. I don't even get what I am trying to say here.

Anyway, skip the next part if you guys want. I am having some rant desire.

I haven't been exactly conversing well with myself and people. I don't know how to converse, healthily. I had the fact that my mind is clouded with unnecessary thoughts and in a very mixed up condition. No. It's more of like, I hate the fact that my mind is loaded with things that I am refusing to remember. It's like as if all the past is haunting me now and I am telling you, this is not the right time. The worse part of it all, I feel so numb, I let the past flash in my mind. I don't feel that pain or hurt or sad or what. I feel numb and I am pretty much annoyed by the fact of it. I mean, why think about the past when you feel nothing? And this is why I hate how the mind works. For once, I wish that mind will dutifully communicate with the heart and stop transmitting the wrong signals or whatever to each other. At the end of the day, it's me who suffers, not that. Okay, I know I am not making sense. It's like as in my mind, heart and me is not in one body, one spirit. I just hate the fact that me, the mind and the heart works separately. Oh why, why can't we get along just fine?

I need a time to break down.

You know, a point where I can just break down and yeah. You get what I mean.

Sometimes, I don't know whether it's just me or them or maybe it has always been me. The people I met and be friends with eventually leave. Either that, or I walk away from them. Even so, I have no define reasons why this had happen. I am never good at relationship, of any kind. I guess, I just suck as a friend. And I really don't know what to do when these friends of mine, will walk away and eventually leave. But I know for sure, I will do what I do best. Walk away and then just pretend things are actually fine. Or maybe, if I am brave enough, I will walk away first before they do. Isn't that the case where feelings and things left unsaid is much more better than hearing the things you don't wish to hear and feelings you want to avoid?

I need to face the world, with a happy bright smile.
Shit, I feel damn emo.

till then,
toodles

School's In.

2010-10-25T21:16:00.001+08:00

I haven't been blogging much for the past weeks because there's really nothing in my mind to blog things out. Every time I log in to blogger, I kind of have some mind-blockage or something because although my fingers itch to type things away, I kind of have no idea what to say.

Anyway, 3 weeks holidays gone just like that and SP53'10 started today. First lesson of the semester was Social Psychology. Kind of looking forward to the things to be learnt in this module. The lecturer gave this good impression and I kind of like her flow of lecture, which is good because this means, I will be listening and not sleeping in class. The bad side about school today was the physical state of the school. It can be described as disastrous. I can totally feel and look at the effort put in by the school to upgrade the facilities and such. Not that I am complaining but the school is in a mess, and with lectures and construction works going on at the same, that is totally a turn off. While lecturers are straining their voices, the construction works acts as the background music. It's so not conducive environment for us, both students and lecturers, at all. Okay, honestly, I was just purely pissed, with the noise.

Apart from that, I MISS GOH SHU XIAN ):

WHY AREN'T YOU TAKING SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY WITH ME?! *emoz*

AND NO MORE INDIAN FOOD STALL IN SCHOOL. I IS ANGRY.
No more prata and the awesome rice with the awesome dishes.

Oh yeah, DECEMBER FASTER FLY.
Okay bye. I want to dream of bagels.

till then,
toodles

Pfft.

2010-10-13T22:05:00.000+08:00

Do you remember once upon a time when you told me how hurt you were because a friend of yours ignore you? Do you remember how you poured out your thoughts, angry and sadness and disappointment all jumbled up in one on how you cannot believe that a friend of yours was behaving that way? Do you remember how you told me that you are always there for them yet they aren't for you? Do you remember the way you sound and feel when that friend of yours call or text you and how you excited you sound when you meet them? And then you remember how you cancel plans? Or you abruptly end a conversation that last only for a few seconds? And how you ignore text and conversation, only to apologize moments later? Do you remember how angry you felt when your friend did that to you, once upon a time?

Everyone will go through this at some point of their life.

You just had yours. I had mine too.

They say, don't make others your priority when you are only their option.

I am a fool, for the umpteen times.

Because I had put you as one of my priority, while all this while, I am "just" another friend in your life.

Geez, thanks for the wake up call.

till then,

toodles

p/s: fyi, i'm hurt

HO.LI.DAY.

2010-10-04T21:59:00.000+08:00

EXAMS ARE FREAKING OVER. CAN YOU SENSE THE HAPPINESS IN ME? I AM SO HAPPY THAT IT'S FREAKING OVER. But fuck, one of the worst exams I had ever sat. And all I can do now is just hope for the best. OKAY. NOW I'M EMO ): Holidays are in but only for merely 3 weeks and that school will resume on the 25th Oct. And it will be like 4 days school week for me for just attending 2 modules that semester. EMO. One lesson, 3hours, per day.

I don't know what to update but my life is packed that I am treasuring every seconds of my sleeping time.
Okay. I love you, bye!

till then,
toodles

Oh Hi.

2010-09-22T19:20:00.000+08:00

Check out my cousin's facial expression! The one on the right. I think I'm going to be like that before/during/after tomorrow's paper. My brain will be so disturbed and dried up and probably melting away as I am doing the paper. Seriously, I am going CRAZY. Health Psych is really making me bonkers, I swear it is the most irritating module EVERRR. Health Psych is a bitch.

Less than 24 hours to the first paper for SP52'10 exams and guess what I had been doing today? NOTHING. I am awesome, I don't feel any urgency at this moment and very much in my cool relax mode which is not awesome because paper is less than 24 hours and I am still being this way! Someone should drop by my house now or something to give me slap on my face and order me around to read the notes and stuff. I hate being this way, but the only time my brain words, miraculously, will be late at night and at the last few hours before the paper starts. THIS, I really hate and I don't know how to change that. GAHHHHH.

Anyway, Faris, my primary school friend posted this class photo on facebook. It was pretty much long ago when I was primary 2? It was in 1998? It's pretty much an ancient photo and it was part of the school magazine or yearbook or whatever you call that. I can only recall, there has been only one year book published throughout my 6 years in mxps. There was like a sudden memories rushing in, stupid, young, innocent, happy, sad memories all together at once. The bittersweet short-long 6 years of my life. Aww, I miss the primary school days.

(click for larger image)

Spot me! I look cute, I know (: I am still cute now, you know?

And Asmah, WE DON'T LOOK ALIKE. EVEN NOW!

Okay, suddenly I am worried about tomorrow. First paper at 2pm and it's at freaking Republic Poly. You know how far or not? Walao. At least 2 hours journey, back and forth. And there's another paper on Friday too. Last paper will be next Thursday but at freaking 7pm. Oh yes, I am not worried about the paper at all. I am more worried about the time I will be waking up from my sleep. I have been sleeping early for the past few nights, say about 1am? And I still wake up at like 11am-ish to 12 noon. Worse, today I woke up at 1pm-ish despite of turning in about 1am? SOMEONE SHOULD CALL ME UP TOMORROW IN THE MORNING OR SOMETHING TO MAKE SURE I AM AWAKE.

This may be just some assumption but I pretty much know I am going to have nervous breakdown tomorrow during the paper. This is just great. I should shake this feeling away and focus on the paper. But you know, how instinct is right and stuff? Yeah, that's pretty much me. My instinct are always or not, almost right. And that annoys the hell out of me.

Zhoumi <3

from SJ-M

HEHEHEHE.

Eh walao, before you guys start saying I am crazy, I haven't been posting Kpop stuff on my blog for a very, VERY VERY, long time okay. Let me pass this round la, I am very pekchek about exams. And I am pretty much deprived of watching Korean variety show because of Raya and exams okayy. Then again, I just watched the first episode of Running Man, and it was good. Lifted up my spirit for awhile. I want exams to end, yet I don't know what I want la.

Philyouth have resumed and hello Mahler, I hate you. I don't know why we have to play that piece but we are playing. I got nothing but to complaint about it for now. Mahler, Mahler, Mahler. I will be fine after practicing the piece, of course. But for now, I hate Mahler, I HATE MAHLER. After exams, will be work and band and little gathering in between. I need to settle the trip soon. Whatever it is, I am heading out of the country in December.

Okay, Lili is being much missed.

I missed being crazy and stupid with my cousins.

till then,

toodles

Hi.

2010-09-21T13:42:00.001+08:00

Exams is less than 2 days.

I'm going to emo one corner.

Did I mention before that Advanced Health Psych is a horrible module?

I guess I did, and it's the first paper.

*criessss*

till then,

toodles

p/s: i got no life.

Raya 2010!

2010-09-11T17:04:00.001+08:00

To all my Muslim relatives and friends.,

Di hari dan bulan yang mulia ini, saya ingin mengambil kesemepatan ini untuk meminta maaf atas kesalahan yang saya telah melakukan kepada sesiapa dan juga gurauan saya yang membuat anda marah.

translation: On this special day and month, I would like to take this opportunity to apologise for the wrong doings I have done to anyone and this includes the teasing and such which had make you angry.

With that,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA! (:

The first day was nice, running back and fro from my house to grands'.

Random talks, super-a-lot teasing, birthdays celebration.

Food, and more food.

Catch up session, future plans with cousins.

Couldn't ask for more.

Meet my super cool fierce Grands! (:

Happy 71st Grands!

Happy 17th Boys!

(and no, they are not twins but cousins. just a day or few hours apart)

Cousins ♥

(dad&mum's side)

More at Facebook.

till then,

toodles

2010-09-08T01:18:00.000+08:00

cr: tumblr

Do you?

~~doubt so.~~

Expectations

2010-08-30T01:16:00.001+08:00

cr: tumblr

I never like the word "expectations". It gives me this sense of burden, and heavy heart with a lot of responsibilities which in reality, you might not even need it. It's like one wrong move, and it will crush you in a million pieces. It's not necessarily a negative feeling. It can be positive thing too. It just the way you see it you see. I personally don't like it, and probably will never will. Yes, I have expectations for others, for myself. And yes, I guess others have their expectations for me too. But I learnt not to expect too much, because at the end of the day, those who expect too much, will just leave you to have a major disappointment and be the broken hearted person.

I am truly sorry to the people who have expectations from me and that I did not live up to it. Sorry to leave you in disappointment and cause you to have anger directed at me. But maybe, just maybe, you should know me better before having such expectations from me. And just a reminder to save the trouble of doing comparisons, I am not like any other kid. I am just, me.

27th August, three days ago was the final draw for me. It was the day I had been looking forward to since the start of school after term break. The day where darkness disappear and the light rises again to its rightful place. Although it ended, it didn't end the way I want it to be. Handed up the final two assignments for semester that day, and school ended with SPSS test which I can say, I am very disappointed in myself. I should have slept earlier and have more rest. But I didn't, thus having the blank mind during the test. No point regretting, it has been entirely my fault this round. I thought I was a superhero but I forgot I was just only a human. With that, the study break welcomes me with sorethroat, runny nose and fever. Just, what a way to start the study break la.

Random note: I miss playing in an orchestra.

till then,

toodles

Am still ALIVE.

2010-08-25T03:23:00.000+08:00

cr. tumblr

The last time I check, my brain doesn't work on Monday.

As of now, it doesn't seem to function everyday.

tsk tsk

look at damage assignments have done to me.

till then,

toodles

Hiatus, still.

2010-08-15T00:38:00.001+08:00

OMG. I AM SO SLOW.

It took me 7 weeks to realize that the modules I am currently taking this semester are pretty much dry, boring and uninteresting stuff!
ㅠ.ㅠ

what happen to the supposed interesting things in behavior in organisation? ):

till then,

toodles

Being Me.

2010-08-09T23:03:00.000+08:00

The truth is, I haven't been productive since the day I gave up on myself. Not entirely, but some part of me. And unfortunately, it includes school. The lack of motivation I am having, the restless self that I myself don't understand. I cannot find any joy as of now despite of being around with people I love. I am finding myself being drawn back from the crowd, hoping that I will just be invisible and able to roam free without anyone stopping me. I am in denial that I am stuck in this hole that I am having a hard time getting out. I don't find any purpose to do things I am suppose to do and yet I am feeling upset and frustrated with myself that I am not doing the things I am suppose to do. You can say that I am contradicting myself. The truth is, I am. I want this and yet I refuse to do it. I want that and yet I don't find the reason why I should. No, there's nothing wrong me and I am not depressed. This is just another process that I am going through, a process that defines me. I need this process to sort out my thoughts, to set certain goals in this period of time. I am lost while being in this process, but being lost here will eventually get me out of it. At the end of the day, it is not my friends or parents will get me out of this deep hole. It's me. I have the control of myself. It is just the matter of getting it done and get over with.

I have wasted at least 2 weeks being this way and thankfully, I am getting out of this hole. I am slowly starting to form some sort of positive emotions and thoughts that will bring me back to the path that I took. Life's tough and it's has been annoying the hell of me. Generally, I love to think but not to the extend where I will meet a dead end and have no idea why I was there in the first place. People have been questioning me, asking me whether I can survive in this cruel world with what I am currently doing in my life. I wish people will just stop asking me about my future plans and things like that. I am not ready to answer and definitely do not want to think about it just yet. Let me live the life I am living now and it will be nice if these people will just learn to understand. That being said, I am matured enough to know what I am doing. Go with the flow is the kind of thing that I do. It's a Type B thing, and I am one of them.

With that, I think I am putting this blog on a short-long hiatus. With the massive amount of assignments that are due every week in the month of August, I don't think I have the time to blog about school. I am looking very much to 27th August 2010. That will be the day where every assignments and presentations are gone and end of SPSS test for stats part 2. Despite of being busy with completing assignments and catching up on schoolwork, I am looking forward for tutoring sessions. It's been awhile and I think I am a little rusty in getting ideas of what to teach.

Ramadhan is approaching in less than a day. I am anticipating this month and welcoming this month with open heart, mind and arms. Haven't even started and plans of iftar-ing together with friends are already being proposed, planned and in the process of planning. Tsk tsk, the spirit of getting together. Looking forward to all though. (: And to end this, Selamat Berpuasa to all my Muslim friends and relatives (:

For the people who are doubting me, watch me.

till then,
toodles

MULTISHOTS FTW!

2010-08-02T23:32:00.000+08:00

It was purely, MADNESS.

till then,

toodles

I Believe in Music

2010-08-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

MY AWESOME SECTION (:

awesome concert (:

i believe in music, do you?

till then,

toodles

It's August, soon.

2010-07-31T00:03:00.002+08:00

Term break gonna end in 2 days and all I ever did for the past week is SIBF, which was good that we got Gold and 3rd position in the Open Division and met up with various friends for *failed* mugging, catch up session and project meet, attended one band rehearsal before IBM concert this Sunday and met up with little brother for a movie where Inception was mind-fcuk and an awesome movie to watch. Sad to say, I haven't been doing anything that's near productive when come to school work. I mean, what's new? This semester, not even pinch of motivation had surfaced for me to start lessening the whole workload. On top of them, I am such a procrastinator which makes it even harder for me to like get the job done early. Pressure from others are much needed to start the work going.

My weekends are burn yet again this week. Saturday going to be spent at BN and then for a random dinner meet up with the fellow alumni. Sunday is IBM concert with SP band, another whole day burned with the kiddos. I need a break, but then again, I have been taking too much break to take another break.

I think it's okay to try then never to try at all. I think it's okay to make mistakes and learn from them. I think it's okay for things to go wrong before reaching to the right place. I think it's okay to think far and deep and analyze things from your point of view. I think it's okay to have your own world in your mind and in your personal space. I think it's okay to be angry or to cry out loud. I think it's okay to just be quiet and close your eyes and feel and hear as the world walk pass you. I think it's okay to tell the truth even though it hurts or tell a white lie to help someone feel better. I think it's okay to criticize healthily and give compliments to your friends or strangers. I think it's okay to breakdown after months keeping things in yourself. I think it's okay to be okay as long you know that you are yourself and that's okay.

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be. Because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose.and then, where are you?

- Fanny Brice

till then,

toodles

4th Week

2010-07-23T18:00:00.002+08:00

cr:tumblr

It's already the 4th week of school and next week is already the term break. One presentation is done and over with and there are still thousands of other assignments to tackle and conquer. I'm so going to die because I have been any way near productive. I don't even want to think about the assignments to come. Blame on the 3 school days a week or another way to see it is the freaking 4 days weekend which left me with no choice buy procrastinate my time away. I am seriously need to find the random motivation drive that will only come to me once awhile or when it feel like teasing me to study or do my work in the wee morning.

You know how they say you know he's right one when he's right in front of you? I think I've found one but never dare to admit fully that he's the one. It works in the complicated way in my mind, and I've never had that big faith in love and relationship, at least not the committing and such. It scares the hell of out me, and still am. That's probably why I think relationship is not on my priority list as of now. In future, this might change but for now, that stays. I was comfortable with the whole thing until you have to come along and mess up my mind. You are my current distraction that I want to get rid of.

till then,
toodles

spsb (:

2010-07-16T16:45:00.001+08:00

It's going to be almost a week after the awesome night.

And I am still having the post-nbc syndrome.

am in school now, few more hours to go before school ends.
bummer. it's TGIF.

till then,
toodles

National Band Competition 2010

2010-07-12T20:53:00.000+08:00

Pre-NBC

HORN SECTION FTW!
motto: Feed us chicken and we will get the high notes for you!

cr: susulala

♥ SPSB
the IMBA band!

Concert March Take Off & Turandot

CHICKEN SECTION FTW! (:

hahahahaa. Fabian loves me very much!

WEEEEEE.

awesome people in spband, in my life (:

More pictures at facebook la. Go find and view yourself!

Lastly,

People that made journey home entertaining! (:
EAST-SIDERS ALL THE WAY!

It's Monday, 2 days after the competition, and the feeling of the before, during and after of NBC still lingers around. The recording has been playing over don't know how many times since Sunday. Turandot from T to the end was awesome. At W and X, GPI (goosepimpleindex)= 9.2 [quoted from Mr Tan] or maybe more than that but slightly less than 10. HOHOHOHOHO.

I AM HAPPY GIRL (:
it's been awhile since I last felt this way.

till then,
toodles

Week #2

2010-07-06T16:54:00.000+08:00

cr: tumblr

It's already the second week of school except that I haven't attend any lectures just yet because it's only Tuesday and I have school on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Don't ask why. It just happened to be this way ok? And I have dropped environmental psychology and don't ask as well. It will be give me headaches to think on how to explain in the best terms ever. Results were out like 2 days ago and I am satisfied with my overall performance for last semester. This semester will be a tough rock solid mental draining semester that I need to pull through with the best of my abilities. If you notice by now, I am babbling nonsense because my mind and soul is currently out of my body.

I think Teadot at Tampines One is a nice place to chill, talk and do some work despite of the normal noise from a typical shopping centre. Then again, I think it's an awesome place to just sit and down and an enjoy a cup of awesome tea and mouth watering cakes. It feels somewhat home-y yet not so home-y. Oh well, you got to be here to enjoy it. The service? 4 out of 5. The only low factor is that the chair is not as comfy as I thought it will be.

It's already July, half of 2010 gone. What have you been doing? What have I been doing? Mostly slacking, trying to find the meaning of life, and other unnecessary things. It was one of the great first half of the year and I hope the next half will be even better. And I really want July to end fast with all the band rehearsals coming on, I don't think I can have any time to breathe. NBC this coming Saturday and SIBF on the 25th. In between, massive amount of rehearsals to attend. Bummer ):

To cut this entry short, life's sucks but I'm moving on.
Heading to Sp for rehearsal now. Early? I know. I think I need that warming up time. I'm so emo. URGH.

till then,
toodles

p/s: Hi susu, my awesome bestie. Stop drooling at your phone!

Bye Holiday ):

2010-06-30T10:46:00.003+08:00

It's 10:25am and my class starts at 12:30pm later on. I'm still at home, on my bed in the comfort of my room, thinking that I still have time left before heading to school. But the thing is, I am so lazy to get out of bed, shower and get ready for school! The thought of long hours in school from Wednesday to Friday make me feel so ..... hating school ): And yes, I have decision to make but haven't come to a concrete solution yet. Shoot me, I am so indecisive!

Holidays have been awesome (: Well, for me at least. Although I did not really do what I am suppose to do, I am happy during the holidays. Best part of the holiday, was spending time with the kids (Finah, Jannah and Nab) on 24th June at Beast Showcase. The long hours of waiting and stoning and finally going crazy for almost 2hours plus. That day couldn't get any better. We were totally beastified! haha, whatever that means (: If there's another chance, I want to do it again! with them of course! Because they are awesome, and I love them (:

Alright, it's almost 10:45am and I am still taking my time at home. I need to get to school at like 12 to print the notes and stuff. I can foresee that the library and bookshop area are crowded with people, thus I need to gather up my Kiasu Singaporean spirit to print the notes. By the way, the bookshop uncle thought I was a foreign student -_-" he totally don't believe that I am a Singaporean and worse, he didn't thought I am Malay. In Jcu, I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. I guess, I will take it as a compliment. It's not like everyday someone thinks that I am not local. HOHOHO.

This is for the people who are going to annoy me the hell out of me, lecturers may or may not be included. BEWARE: My temper can go out of control!

Okay, I have to drag myself out of the bed now if I'm not will just going to procrastinate at home and forget about school altogether.

To my Jcu friends, let's rock this semester with our crazyness and urm, yeah. hahaha! HAPPY SCHOOLING BABES (:

till then,
toodles

50 Questions that will free the mind

2010-06-27T23:18:00.001+08:00

These questions have no right or wrong answers.
Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Which is worse, failing or never trying?
If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Why are you, you?
Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
What are you most grateful for?
Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
If not now, then when?
If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

Credits: Tumblr & here

till then,
toodles

Anonymous Messages

2010-06-23T01:16:00.000+08:00

10 things to tell anonymously to people.
It might or might not be for you. It's for me to know and you to find out. (:

Enough said, I miss you ):
I want you, me, us to work together and get along. Difficult but it will end soon. Hold on.
I love the way we are now. Thanks for being you (:
I've the answer to your question. And it's a no.
I think you have the nicest eyes, lovely hair and a very kind heart. (p/s: i miss your cuddles)
Sorry, but I don't mix around with people who does not have a pinch of humbleness which include you.
I think I like you.
I have a very bad uncontrollable temper. So excuse yourself and STOP bothering me.
I don't even know you any more. Who are you?
It's easier said than done. Prove it.

till then,
toodles

life, as it is.

2010-06-18T00:35:00.003+08:00

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.

- unknown

My holiday is coming to an end, soon. It's a bummer that Jcu only gives a month break in between semesters but it's okay because sometimes I slacked too much at home I feel that I am going to die of boredom. Then again, when school starts, I will wish time will pass fast so that I can slack again during the holidays. This holiday however, instead of having much free time to do whatever I want, I am pretty packed with things to do, stuff to attend to. Philyouth had their Beautiful Sunday performance on the 6th at the Esplanade and the revised schedules that was given out recently have totally eat up my weekends till the end of SIBF.

I can totally foresee that my whole of July is pretty packed with school and band rehearsals. Timetable is not finalized yet because I have yet to choose tutorial slots but hopefully I can squeeze in the tutorials slot between Tuesday and Friday so that I can have Monday to rest after the hectic schedules. Tuesday and Thursday night are totally gone for SP band and the weekends are pretty much gone for Philyouth.

I think I'm going to be pretty busy in July that I will no time to breathe. Because after July will be August and September which means that I am going to have a pretty handful of assignments and maybe presentations to deal with and exams in mid-September.

In conclusion, I-AM-GOING-TO-DIE-OF-EXHAUSTION-AND-LACK-OF-SOCIAL LIFE. Someone, SAVE ME ):

And this holiday, although I promise myself that I will meet up with the people that I haven't been meeting up for a very long, I am sad and guilty to the max that I did not keep the promise. I'm such a sucker and a horrible friend. ): I haven't been meeting up with a lot of supposedly to meet up people. I think they hate me very much because it has been monnnnnnnnnnnnnthhhhhsss since the last time we met ):

cr: tumblr

This is for the people who talk to much without any much sense.

Okay, it's getting late. Good night all (:

till then,
toodles

p/s: i miss hanging out with the bfs ):

Amazing.

2010-06-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

I thought stories that happened in movies or fairytale stays there. But sometimes, if you are lucky, it will turn into a reality. The start to the current state, it still amaze me how a person can wait for so long with so much patience and how a person change, it's too much to handle for a night. But I am grinning widely while typing this out. I am happy for him and her. HOHOHO. I'm going crazy! The fireworks to the whole proposal things make it even WOW. HAHAHA. (: They are special, and they prove it that if you wait a little while more, things can happened. And somehow, they give us hope. HOHOHOO.

I don't know what else to update currently. More soon eh?

till then,
toodles

unforseen forces

2010-06-06T01:31:00.002+08:00

cr: tumblr

Sorry, I haven't been blogging since the holidays started.

Will do so, soon (:

Meanwhile, take care everyone!

till then,

toodles

Bye SP51 (:

2010-05-28T01:23:00.000+08:00

cr: tumblr

HELLO HOLIDAYS (:

4 weeks to enjoy and lepak!

To accomplish the goals for this holiday!

EXCITEMENT FILLS THE HOLIDAY AIR.

till then,

toodles

21st (:

2010-05-24T23:49:00.000+08:00

Thanks all for the well wishes (:

till then,

toodles

3 more days!

2010-05-23T23:22:00.000+08:00

cr: tumblr

Few more hours to go before the first paper. This time around, I am very relax and it's not good because it clearly shows how much I am confident for the paper. Relax is not a good thing because I have no idea how much I revised for the paper. Hohseh. I think I dead.

ALL THE BEST JCU PSYCHOLOGY MAJORS FOR EXAMS TOMORRRRROW. GOOD LUCK IS MUCH NEEDED TO ME AND TO ALL!

P/s: I NEED MY LIFE BACK.

till then,
toodles

3 more days.

2010-05-21T17:19:00.000+08:00

cr: tumblr

I am sitting right here, in my room thinking about the time that I had all week and knowing that I have wasted 90% of the time doing practically nothing. I, again, had failed to fully utilized the given study break to conquer the monster of the modules of upcoming exams which going to start in 3 days time. Being sick in the midst of exams preparation was such a turn off. My immune system started to go haywire on Tuesday night and Wednesday night, fever decided to visit and the headache was OMG. But the power of the extra extra strong panadol works its magic despite of having some side effects of it. I wish good luck will really work its miracle because I really need it so much, badly. That being said, I am pretty much relax despite of the remaining time that's left for me to motivate and push myself to the max to really study for the papers. I have such a relax attitude, someone should give me a slap right now.

3 more days, and 3 more days Fidah. Before you know it, it's gonna be over!

till then,
toodles

music, love

2010-05-16T00:56:00.000+08:00

cr: tumblr.

I have for different feelings.

what's yours?

till then,

toodles

Study break

2010-05-11T18:59:00.000+08:00

I am having study break for 2 weeks or so and I don't really like study break except for the fact that I have a whole lot of time to study for the upcoming papers. Then again, I am truly am a procrastinator.

Study break = procrastinating weeks.

I am trying my best to study, really. I have been stuck to this corner of my room for a couple of days now and the motivation drive is really, tiring. My mind will be practically gone by evening and I will just procrastinate till night and then head to bed, feeling guilty that I have wasted hours procrastinating. 13 more days to the first paper, and I haven't truly start on that module. I'm so dead, I wish I can skip the whole examinations phase. I don't want to sound complainingly but examinations or tests are never my kind of thing. I can foresee some form of anxiety forming up on the day of the papers.

The power of procrastinating is awesome though. I have totally plan out the things I want to do during the holidays, and I am pretty much happy with the planning and I can't wait to execute them out. I can't wait for 27th May, I want to watch Shrek 4 on the day of my last paper, I want to go out with friends, I want to have some self outing too. I want to watch the Last Song soon. There are so many things I want to do but I have to clear the examinations phase first. The trip is June is still pending though. It will be nice to get out of Singapore for awhile. I hope the end year trip will be well too. I can't wait for 2011 and 2012 to come. I'm turning 21 soon and on my birthday, I want to eat pizza provided I feel good about health psych paper that day.

It's a battle out there, I can't wait to end it.

I am riding it, alright.

Okay, bye!
I love you people (:

till then,
toodles

Dear Mom

2010-05-08T21:40:00.001+08:00

Most of all the other beautiful things in life come by twos and threes, by dozens and hundreds. Plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers and sisters, aunts and cousins, comrades and friends - but only one mother in the whole world.

- Kate Douglas Wiggin

I may not be the greatest daughter in the world but I am trying my best to be the best daughter you could ever have. We may not see things from the same eye level, always throwing our opposite opinions that convert the whole house into war zone. You may not be the most understanding person in the house but you always try your best to understand no matter what circumstances. Your nags have been the most constant thing ever since the day I committed my first mistake and I know it will never end, no matter how old you and I going to be.

You never fail to wish me good day or tell me you love me very much everyday although I don't do it to you the same way. But just because I don't say or do much, doesn't mean I don't care. I'm sorry for always teasing that I am dad's daughter and not yours because my name has dad's name with it. It's a joke that I know it hurts sometimes. No matter what, I am your daughter - biologically and genetically. Everyday, I thank God that you are still here with me and I am thankful for the things you have done. I love you Mom. Thanks for being you all these while.

So Mom,

Happy Mom's Day (:

I love you!

To my grands and aunts too, thanks for the sharing the love!

till then,
toodles

lifeless.

2010-05-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

Cr: tumblr

OMG. It's already May and I am still in my awesome lepak mode. Health Psych presentation is done and over with. Am left with the stats report and that will be the end of the assignments submission or whatsoever. And then it's exams. And it's back to back papers, I think I am going to die thinking on how I am going to survive. The biggest fear is psychopathology! There are just too many to remember ): SIAN. And I just submitted the modules I want to take for the next semester. I think I am seriously going to die. 4 modules next semester which includes stats part 2. And I really have to get along well with stats now and forever!

22nd May looks very tempting! Should I? But it's just 2 days away from exams. Then again, I miss the previous outing too. And they are going lepak there and I so want to lepak too! Decisions, decisions. Ayuni will kill me soon.

This is weird, but I have been thinking a lot. For good reasons, of course. I just need to get exams done and over with and spend my well deserved break to thing things through and plan things out, in details. Then again, I think I should study my ass off and only then, I can call the June break a well deserved break for me.

I love you, awesome people (:

till then,
toodles

misses.

2010-05-03T01:28:00.000+08:00

Cr: tumblr

I broke down upon reading a friend's blog. I don't know what I was thinking, maybe I am overreacting, maybe I am just being sensitive. But whatever, I am stuck in this whole life that I thought it would only happened in drama.

And I just realise, I really miss my pillars of strength and support. ):

Maybe it is time for a meet up but I can't find an appropriate time.

I miss that, I miss those, I miss then. ):

till then,
toodles

student life motto

2010-04-25T16:53:00.000+08:00

cr: tumblr

My current life motto as a student. No, I think this has been my motto since primary school? I don't know but somehow, procrastination works for me. Whatever luhhh.

One more month and it will be exams. I am currently in the mad phase #1 of completing the final assignments for the semester. One essay, one report and one presentation to go before I can conclude the mad phase #1. Following which is mad phase #2 where I will passionately read my books and notes for the upcoming war between me and the papers.

It's a crazy world out there.

cr: tumblr

Because of the things currently going on, trust is basically out of the question. You use to say to say it will be forever but it was you again who prove it all wrong. You used to my role model, I don't think I can look up to you right now. I like and love you when you were like before. Maybe I will still do look up to you except that I have to look at you and imagine how you were when I was 12. I still love you, and it's because we are family, I will treat you all the same.

till then,
toodles

Stats

2010-04-24T20:20:00.000+08:00

click to enlarge.

We were challenging each other with cartoon characters or any characters that evolve from our childhood days.

till then,
toodles

touching

2010-04-19T16:54:00.001+08:00

till then,
toodles

sick, still

2010-04-18T21:00:00.000+08:00

cr: tumblr

I AM STILL SICK. ):

and there's school tomorrow. ):

till then,

toodles

SICK

2010-04-16T23:52:00.000+08:00

cr: tumblr

I AM GOING TO SURVIVE TOMORROW FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT! I HAVE TO DESPITE OF BEING SICK IN THE MIND, THE IMMUNE SYSTEM AND THE HEART.

STATS, PLEASE BE NICE.

AND WEATHER, PLEASE STOP FOOLING AROUND.

LOVELIES, I LOVE YOU (:

till then,

toodles

Mid April

2010-04-15T20:50:00.002+08:00

cr: tumblr

Time is passing us by like #)*@!)#*)@!#*!!! It's already mid April and then end of April and hello May. OMG. OMG. I got no time, no time to breathe. Assignments and presentation datelines are coming and exams too. Two or so more weeks of lectures and tutorials and then study break and oh hello Exams, nice meeting you, AGAIN. Tsk.

I had a rather eventful life for the past weeks. From bad to bad news plus good news and bad news again, it just won't stop. I treat myself to the salon and cut my short. Then again, I think the length is neither here or there and I might just make it even shorter if I just can't stand it any longer. I haven't really been updating about my life over here because I really have no idea what to update other than " I woke up in the morning and go to school and maybe complaint that lectures can be boring and then go home and watched tv and sleep " and the routine continues. I am pretty much having some form of routine. It's not that I am hating it, I am loving it. In fact, this could be the first time I am admit to myself that I don't mind having a routine schedule. That being said, I will probably have a different view on this, say like next week or something.

I wish that some people will just stop asking me what I will be doing after my degree. At least don't ask until it's the end of 2011 or the start of 2012. Until then, I have no idea what I want to settle in with and if you really want to ask me now, my answer is I don't know, probably spent my time travelling. And I am really serious about it. Don't even ask me why. I have this sort of mentality that I want to do what I want to do, no matter what. And it's not about whether I haven't give a thought about it. I have actually put my heart, my mind, my soul and my stomach thinking about it and have a set of possibilities. It's just a matter what I really want at the end of it. So yeah, that's pretty much an update about my future in case kepo people wants to know.

I will be busy, till 9th June 2010.
You can still ask me out if you want, it's just the matter whether I want to answer the call or reply to sms or just making time to go out unless I am the one who actually initiate to call you out. And no, I am not avoiding anyone or being picky about who to go with. I am just busy, packed with hell assignments and hellicious examinations that''s coming right after that.

till then,
toodles

Awesome afternoon

2010-04-10T18:18:00.001+08:00

was webcaming with my cousin, talking nonsense and stuff.

THE BEST THING EVER.

MY GRANDMA WEBCAMMED WITH ME YO!

BEST SATURDAY AFTERNOON EVER!

edited: part of the conversation (translated)
grands: I just farted loudy. did you hear?
me: AHHAHAHA. NO!!
grands: ohh. the computer won't detect ah?
me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

LOVE YOU GRANDS! (:

till then,

toodles

@tumblr

2010-04-05T23:33:00.001+08:00

cr: tumblr

till then,

toodles

AWESOME TIME!

2010-04-05T15:29:00.001+08:00

Crs: tumblr

I'm currently in school, having health psych tutorial. It's so OMG, boring to the max that I can practically just sleep for the whole 3 hours but obviously I'm not doing that because I brought my laptop along and I can be online on msn and check out my tumblr dashboard and randomly spam my friend's wall at facebook and send out random tweets about how massively bored I am in class right now.

Term break's over and I can't believe time just flew by like that. I hope I did not waste the week away which I don't think I did unless you add in the time I spent online watching drama and whatsnot. I was practically having sleep hangover when I reached school this morning and right now, I can't wait for 33pm to come so I can say goodbye and make my way back home.

I cannot wait for holidays to kick in but then, I have a massive amount of assignments and a presentation to get done and over with plus exams. hurshurs. This is the student that I am having and I shouldn't complaint.

April will be a busy month (as quoted from ShuXian) for me I think. With the assignments' dateline nearing, I think I will not have any time to breathe peacefully. On the other hand, I am definitely looking forward for 17th April! Cycling in the morning, dinner in the evening with different cliques that I love (: It will be like a short getaway from the massive busy schedule and a day of HAPPINESS (: weeee ~~
WARNING: Some pictures posted later is not for the faint hearted. Thank you.

I turned into a lion for a moment!
oh yeah, meet ShuXian, my partner in crime!

I AM AVATAR!!!!

HEH! HEH! HEH! THANKS SHINZU FOR THE AWESOME TIME ON YOUR MAC! :D

till then,
toodles!

@tumblr

2010-04-02T21:29:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to update here.

Any suggestion?

In the meantime, I'm busy tumblr-ing (:

till then,

toodles

@tumblr

2010-03-31T01:10:00.000+08:00

till then,
toodles

I thought.

2010-03-27T22:47:00.001+08:00

crs: tumblr

And I thought I had it all planned, but I was wrong.

It's that time of life again, seriously.

till then,

toodles

school.

2010-03-22T22:59:00.000+08:00

Cr: Tumblr

One more week of school and then, Hello term break where I will massively busy with assignments and probably insert a few activities here and there. I'm really looking forward for term break still for long hours of sleep and lepak in my room all day long. School has been a boredom, most of the time. It's already 3 weeks since school started and I'm like OMG, I'm still in the holiday mood.

I had 2 hours of nap in the evening, and it's only 11pm and I got school tomorrow at 9am. And I pretty much going to bed right after this.

GOOOD NIGHT (:

till then,
toodles

the innocence

2010-03-20T21:53:00.000+08:00

One of the best day spent (:

till then,
toodles

@tumblr

2010-03-14T23:26:00.000+08:00

This happens to me ALL THE TIME on school days. Bummer, I miss holidays. I miss staying up late till the wee morning and lepak in my room all day long.

I don't know what to update exactly except that tomorrow health psych tutorial is cancelled and I can be home early! Awesome, just awesome. (: School's at 9 tomorrow, I better go offline soon.

till then,
toodles

@tumblr

2010-03-14T00:58:00.002+08:00

credits: tumblr

will be back soon!

till then,

toodles

@tumblr

2010-03-08T22:45:00.000+08:00

Credits: Tumblr

I love being at tumblr minus the fact that I drown my Kpop fanatic there. The quotes found, are sometimes, god damn true. It's like as if you cannot find the right words to describe what you want to say out, but there are people out there who actually going through the same situation as you and they had found the not say the perfect words but at least suitable words to let things out.

Am having a touch week this week, and probably the next week too. The mind is currently fcuk up, and emotionally unstable. One way to summarise the current situation I am in - FML.

Now, all I ever want to do is to hide under blankets forever till I'm ready to face the world again. But fcuk it, I'm living in reality. Gotta be strong!

GOOD NIGHT WORLD!

till then, toodles

10 things to tell

2010-03-01T23:10:00.000+08:00

I did this before and thought of doing it again.

10 things to tell anonymously to people. It might or might not be for you. It's for me to know and you to find out. (:

Thank you!
Every time we start a conversation, awkwardness always accompany us. Don't you feel it? You had changed, I changed. Why do you insist of being the same?
It's been months, so when are we going out?
I LOVE YOU (:
You should serious spare a thought for others. Time to grow up and be more matured about things and start caring for the people who are caring for you. Childish ass.
F*** you!
You don't even care for the friendship, I don't get why you are so work up when I told you that we might not even be friends in future. I tried, but have you? I'm tired, really.
We got close because of the love of music (and boys/girls). hehehehe. Thanks for dragging me in!
8 (13 for one) years and counting.. the bond getting stronger .. I like (: I want us to grow older together and go supper in the middle of the night drinking teh tarik together and jokes about the old times!
Don't look down others because you are no better than the rest of us.

till then,
toodles

SCHOOOOOOOL.

2010-03-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

It's the time again to say goodbye to my 12hours of sleep, drama marathon, staring in space, loitering around my room, sleep and nap and screwed body clock. Oh Hello new semester, new sleeping time and new ..... assignments coming ahead. GAH. I WANT LONGER HOLIDAYS!

I should sleep, SOOON. School starts at 9am, and I'm still online doing my usual routine.

Lion King, the movie is just awesome (:

till then,
toodles

My Yearly Affair

2010-02-22T01:28:00.001+08:00

It's a yearly affair and it's something that most of us look forward to each year. Despite of the different routes we took and the horrendous busy schedules and the possibility of having age gap, I'm glad we took a time off to meet up at least once in a year. This year was great with lots of food to enjoy and the kids (we) manage to meet up with the boss after some time.

Thanks Jovin for organising and Clements for driving us around! (:

till then,
toodles

BAKING SESSION!

2010-02-18T23:50:00.000+08:00

Monday was the day the girls reunite for our supposedly monthly/quarterly/yearly affair. Had our long awaited baking/cooking session. Menu for the day was pizza, fried mars bar and impromptu making of mashed potatoes and ondehondeh. We sum up the whole session by having indoor picnic in my room and enjoying Love Actualy on Mio (: Thanks for the day ladies!

And I am feeling hungry after posting those picturesss.

Tuesday was spent mostly at home, slacking and clearing my wardrobe. Supper at night with the usuals which never fails to bring laughers, solving mysteries and discovering new things. Love KBBGs (:

And these activities pretty much sum up my long weekend of CNY break.

till then,
toodles

The Long Weekend

2010-02-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

I am pretty much in the holiday mood and pretty much doing my best of slacking around the house and going out when I need to. Have been eating, sleeping more than 12 hours a day, catching up on dramas and going crazy over some stuff as well. I am pretty much doing very well during this holiday. So far, no problems arrived and pretty much free from the complications of life. (:

Pretty late, HAPPY TIGER YEAR! And here comes the long weekend where Singapore became a ghost town.

On Valentine's day which is also the first day of the Lunar New Year, I woke up at 9am on a Sunday after so long. Bathe and got ready to meet the KBBGs to attend Miss Susu's brother's wedding. So much of meeting at 11am, we only gathered about 1130ish and made our way. Practically spent 4 hours there sitting down, catching up, discovering and unfolding mysteries of love and relationship. Left after the bride and groom came. One thing for sure, the weather was superbly hot!

Went back home to rest and get ready to go out again. This time to downtown where Faris held his 19th birthday. Met up with that dude who hasn't been talking to me for ages, Syahir, followed by Izzat and the glamorously late people, Emmelyn Aiman and Rahmat. Made our way and the food was good. BBQ chicken was good, the corn was corny and I finished up a whole packet of chicken sausages. Tsk tsk. Anyway, Nina came to find me and Izzat and then new friendship form I suppose and what a small world this world can be. haha. Thanks Faris for the invite and a really happy belated 19th! (:

Ended the Sunday by the pool. Met up with Finah and Zi after Faris' with Izzat and Nina. Talked by the pool and a sudden yet not so sudden planning for Nina's birthday. Totally impromptu and I pretty much enjoyed lying down under the sky and just stone. HAHAHA.

To be continued ...

till then,
toodles

August Rush

2010-02-13T00:42:00.002+08:00

"You never quit on your music. No matter what happens. 'Cause antyime something bad happens to you, that's the one place you can escape to and just let it go. I learned it the hard way. And anyway, look at me. Nothing bad gonna happen. You gotta have a little faith"

- Louis Connelly, August Rush

August Rush is an awesome movie, you guys should watch it sometime. Thanks to the IMR (some korean show), Seunghyun reminded me that this movie existed! I teared a little because it was touching at certain part of the movie. It's a bit cliche though but I like how everything started and ended. I really the love the music found in this movie. Really like it (:

"I believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales"

- Evans Taylor, August Rush

till then,

toodles

RANDOM.

2010-02-10T01:26:00.003+08:00

This is purely a random post to begin with. I just sitting down in front of my laptop in the comfort of my room with music blasting in my ears. I am just going to type whatever comes to my mind. It may or may not be a sensible post because right now, I am thinking and I am trying sort my thoughts out.

It's the second week of February and time really flies. It seems only yesterday that we entered 2010 leaving 2009 behind. I don't know what's up with me but time really scares the shit out of me. I have no idea whether I had used the time wisely but all I do is just mumbling that I need more time. I mean, how much more do I need? 24 hours aren't enough for a day, do I need more than that to accomplish things? I think time is fair among us all. It gives us 24 hours a day. Everyone has the same amount of time everyday but why am I sitting here, sometimes, wanting to have more time? People say it's how you handle your time and make the best out of it. I did, but it's still not enough.

Everyone around my age are taking the next big step of life. Erik Erikson's 6th stage of development -the young adulthood. It's the stage of where relationships are formed and the stage of where your career journey begins. I have friends who are settling down soon, some have already started their career journey, some are continuing their studies and some who are just stuck of what to do with their life. Some are having the love issues while some of us are just being the carefree.

I don't exactly know where I stand in the stages of life right now. I am turning 21 soon but I just feel 16? Perhaps 14. The truth is, I am changing. At least mentally and emotionally. But I don't feel 20 or 21 soon. I just feel happily young. I've grown a lot in terms of maturity but I just feel childish at times and I just don't want to grow up. Because growing up comes with responsibilities, something that I hate and am not ready to receive the duties of it.

But how long can I run away from these? It will come to me sooner or later. I am not prepared, and will never be for now. If there's one thing school doesn't teach, it is the teaching of life. Textbooks don't tell you what to do when you are stuck. There are no direct answers to life. You just got to do what you got to do. If you fail, feel miserable and sorry for yourself and then pick up the pieces where you had left and get on with life and hopefully you had learnt from your mistakes and not to do it again. Failure is inevitable. It bound to happen. Just open your arms wide enough to accept and admit your mistakes and learn from it. If you are just being arrogant about it, then I feel sorry for you. You should really get a life.

I don't know where this post is leading me. I am just being frustrated right now, in my mind. There are so many things running, I don't know where to exactly stop and think things through. Because everything is related. Because everything will lead to one and another. Because this is life and if you think life's suck, you gotta suck up to it and move on. It won't be easy, it will never be. You are allow to complain but after complaining, do something about it. No use saying things out and not doing it.

Omg, I am just so frustrated with myself because of all these thinkings. It's like doing a life review, except that I am not doing solely on my life but on others to. If thinking makes me sane, thinking makes me frustrated too.

I am just going to abruptly end this post because there are just so many things in my mind that I can't put in words.

till then,
toodles

Music Makers

2010-02-07T21:18:00.001+08:00

Spam of pictures taken on 30th January 2010. BNSB together with the alumni was the guest band for Unity Band's concert. More pictures can be found at Facebook. (:

till then,
toodles

@tumblr

2010-02-04T00:31:00.000+08:00

“We are all guilty of saving old messages from someone who became really special in our lives and going to familiar places that gives us that small twinge in our hearts and smiles on our faces. It’s one of the most bittersweet feelings ever because every time that person crosses our minds, we remember the instances when we were happy and complete.”

Am busy catching with sleep and watching drama(s). Proper update soon. (:

till then,
toodles

Exams OVER

2010-01-30T01:43:00.001+08:00

EXAMS OVER.

I'm screaming for joy! YAY YAY! EXAMS OVER :D

I'm so glad I went though this horrendous week with 2 awesome friends and macdonald breakfast. THANKS VINA AND SHUSHU FOR THE STUDY SESSIONS AND RANDOM TALKS IN BETWEEN DESPITE OF THE ANNOYING CONSTRUCTION THAT WAS GOING ON ABOVE OUR HEADS. I LOVE YOU GIRLS LIKE HOW I LOVE MASHED POTATOES! (:

In summary, all 3 papers were generally okay. I am pretty happy with my performance for Soci and Human Development. For Stats which is the last paper, I have no comments. I don't know whether I did well or just okay or pretty bad. The paper was just being the most annoying paper as always. Stats and me don't get along. We probably won't. Tsk.

So ... I spent the remainder of today at Band since BN is having some performance tomorrow. I have no comments, no comments. Actually, I have a lot of comments but it's too many that I don't even know where to begin. But I love the band, I love the section. hehehe. Head for dinner/supper with the people. Haha. It was nonsensical. The boys can practically talked from some serious topic to some laughable matter and back to square. hahaha.

Nicholas was craving for mac and since I was there, might as well told him to come over and he did. The last time I saw him was ... Christmas?! That's like a month ago please. Tsk tsk. He came, talked, ate and I did my part of complaining and feedbacking and stuff life. He's, urm, a pretty busy man.

AIYAH. I feel very Singaporean now. I have no idea why.
Anyway, tumblr has this formspring thing going around and I thought I will it a try. It's under the tagboard, so if you have any ~~dying~~ question to ask me, just ask and I will try to reply. hahaha.

It's almost 2am and guess what time I have to report to BN? 9AM.
Good job, Fidah, GOOD JOB.

BY THE WAY,

KIM JUNSU!

His voice is seriously a killer.

GOOD NIGHT, EXAMS OVER. I AM HAPPY GIRL.

till then,
toodles

p/s: yes, I love to sleep and I know you love me for being your awesome friend.

12416303

2010-01-24T23:51:00.000+08:00

cr: tumblr

25012010, 2PM = Sociology Paper

Okay, so what is sociology? what's the big deal about social deviant uh? And wait, gender theories is seriously like wtf. I totally don't get education as well. The only thing that impress me in the whole module is social inequalities and racism. And the problem in defining work, who the hell invent this word in the first place? Work have like 93891739821732189 meanings. And and .... the list goes on. I love hippies, yo.

Less than 24 hours, am going to sit for the very first paper of the year. The current state of my mind is currently unavailable because there's no way my mind is resting. My heartbeat can't stop beating fast and the speed is currently faster than usual. I AM SO DEAD. I am prepared yet not prepared. I think I am thinking too much over the exams but I can't stop thinking about exams because exams apparently can freak me out more than ghost. Anxiety much? Perhaps.

I want to eat mashed potatoes, again. I had for it for lunch and dinner, thinking it will kill of this weird craving of mine but no, I am still craving for mashed potatoes. I love potatoes. I think it's the next best thing to substitute rice with. I love potatoes, don't you?

I really cannot wait for exams to be over. I want to have Korean movie(s) and drama(s) marathon, I need to seriously find a permanent part time job, I want to sleep as long as I can, I want to be a couch potato although I know that being a couch potato can lead to certain diseases such as diabetes and heart failure (accord to yahoo), I want to be lazy and laze around in the comfort of my room, I want to rent movies on Mio every Friday, Saturday and Sunday because they have the promotion of renting them for only $1.99 till end of Feb. THE WHOLE MONTH OF FEB IS SO WAITING FOR ME. I just realise I got a plan-less February as of now except for a few days.

Okay, back to the sexy horrible notes.

till then,
toodles

MASHED POTATOES

2010-01-24T00:48:00.001+08:00

cr: tumblr

One more day to the first paper and I really want to get exams done and over with. I never had a thing for exams, i hate exams and had never ever showed any love for exams. I think exams is much more worst than overflowing of assignments. GAHH. But it's no use complaining because the time will continue ticking and then it will Monday and I'm going to sit for my first paper which is Sociology. ): I hate exams.

On the other hand, I pretty much done with sociology revision. Going to spend the whole Sunday, with the exception of eating, napping and teeving at their respective time slots, reading those sexy words on sociology and a little bit on development. And speaking of which, I have yet to touch on the horrible stats. I'm so dead.

I NEED SOME MOTIVATION AND POSITIVE AURA IN ME. I NEED TO BE OPTIMISTIC. I WANT TO SCREAM AND SHOUT.

failed. I feel so ......................................... negative-ish, and rubbish-ish. And to come to think of it, this post is not even positive to begin with.

And I got this madly craving for mashed potatoes. Don't ask why, it's just some weird cravings I am having. And yes, I am a little cranky now because I am hungry and all I want to eat is just mashed potatoes. Therefore, tomorrow, my breakfast, lunch and dinner will be mashed potatoes. Homemade, definitely. I am so going to make mashed potatoes tomorrow. I DON'T CARE. I want to get rid of this whole mashed potatoes craving.

I should get some sleep now and relax my soul who's craving for mashed potatoes. Probably not. I am going to my tumblr to see the pretty boys on the dashboard and probably check out some videos to watch on youtube before calling it a night.

till then,
toodles

Current Status: PROCRASTINATOR

2010-01-21T12:55:00.000+08:00

SPSB Musical Delights is over. A job well done by the band and many thanks to the hilarious section of mine who never fails to bring the needed and unnecessary laughters that brought joys and lights in our respective lives. haha. Gonna miss a bunch of wonderful people and hope to see some of them soooooon.

It's a lazy Thursday for me, the weather seems nice to just sit and slack my time away. I have zero motivation as of now to start mugging for the exams. I just want to sit and be a couch potato for a day. Exams is in less than 4 days and having this attitude will do me no good.

I have nothing much to update as of now. Will probably do so later. For now, I am going to cook my lunch and probably sit back and watch teevee before gathering any form of motivation to read up on the sexy notes.

till then,
toodles

Here comes the EXAMS.

2010-01-16T02:02:00.000+08:00

The best advice you can ever had when doing a statistic report:

And seriously, it works. For us, that is. (:

So my studying period for this semester have finally ended. Handed up the last assignment of the semester which is also the most annoying and irritating assignment of the semester. I can finally sit down and breathe for awhile before starting on the tough journey of mugging for the upcoming exams. I am going to have three papers. Out of which, one of them is seriously a killer for me. And yes, it's stats. The only paper that I have, sadly, no confidence in. I will just get goosebumps and worry like hell and probably experience nervous breakdown every time I attempt on the questions. Tsk tsk.

So ... I haven't been blogging much for the past few days. Sorry to burst any bubbles in case you are curious and anticipating some update(s) on this blog. I have, sadly, nothing in mind to update. I am currently active at the tumblr. Before you guys start fleeing to the tumblr, I have to warn you that my tumblr is soley for my Korean Fanatic and random quotes of life. So maybe you guys should just stick around here. I will still update here, no worries.

I haven't been a busybee as of now which is a good thing. But the bad thing is I am having exams in a week's time. Then again, I will be having 4 weeks of holiday after that which is actually the whole month of February for me to enjoy and relax and whatever I want and planned to do. But again, I should probably go hunt for permanent part time job. So if you kind of have any recommendation of part time jobs, please feel free to ~~force~~ ask me to apply. Thank you very much in advance. (:

I got the long awaited iTouch few weeks ago. Don't start on the "You should have gotten an iPhone instead" speech because I just don't want iPhone can? Too lazy to explain my stand on this and if you are curious, just ask me personally ok? Anyway, I got it few weeks ago and I am very very happy with it. It's like my best best friend now. Susu, don't jealous okay? You are still my bestest friend just that iTouch is currently my one and only entertainer that entertains me.

ANYWAY, came across this on tumblr and wanted to share.

Kindda true, but oh hello Life. hello Reality. hello World?

Okay. I think I blog-ed long enough to entertain the regulars who always read the blog but never tag but only tag to complaint when I did not update after quite some time. Tsk tsk. I probably won't blog for the next few days or week, on daily basis because not that I am busy with korean drama-ing or what (in fact, I have nothing to watch for now. Will find more after my exams though), I am busy with the rehearsals for upcoming SPBand concert on Monday and alumni bn band rehearsals for the 30th January performance and PLUS THE FACT THAT I HAVE EXAMS TO GET DONE AND OVER WITH. So I hope that you seek some understanding that I won't be able to blog daily.

Then again, next few entries will be probably about how much I want exams to end and how much I need to study and how much I want the holiday to kick in fast.

BY THE WAY,

JUNSU (:

a total charmer on stage!

Okay. It's almost 2AM and I have to be at BN by 8AM? Good job Fidah.

I MISS YOU!

to whoever is applicable.

OKAY. BYE. GOOD NIGHT.

till then,

toodldes

Shushu!

2010-01-07T11:40:00.000+08:00

HELLO SHU!

YOU ARE FEATURED IN MY BLOG, again.

on a stats day! :D

till then,

toodles

Vintage Deli Cafe

2010-01-07T11:09:00.001+08:00

It's the 7th day of the new year and today marks the last official day of school before handing in of stats next week which starts the two weeks of study break followed by the exams..

The last gathering I had before school started was last Saturday. It was purely the girls outing and the boys gave us a visit after they had their dinner. Nina brought us to Vintage Deli Cafe at Bussorah Street and it's a nice small cozy place to dine in and chill out with your friends. The food is good and the price is pretty reasonable. The service was awesome. It's one the places were I will consider going again and again. (: The bonus point about Saturday: the company I had was awesome! Love the gerekgerek ganggang! and like what Asmah said, whatever happened in the train sum up the whole outing.

So far the new year has been great. No complaints yet. Not having the I-am-busy-to-the-max-that-i-just-want-to-die kind of schedule yet. No troubles like heart, love, heartbroken love kind of troubles yet. No emotional breakdown yet. THEREFORE, 2010 so far has been goooooooood.

HELLO KOK KEONG.

YOU ARE MENTIONED ON MY BLOG.

BE HAPPY OKAY!

And yes people, you are right. I am blogging today because it's Thursday and I am having Stats tutorial now. Thus, the update.

I don't know what else to talk about. So goodbye and till I update next?

BY THE WAY,

KIM JUNSU (:

from 2PM.

Okay done. I'm going to pay attention to stats for one last time. One of my new year resolution is to pay attention in Stats class which I am failing to do so miserably.

till then,

toodles

the Ends & the Beginnings

2009-12-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

2009 was the end and the beginning of the chapters in my life. The year, itself, is filled with thousands of memories, both good and bad, and was definitely filled with strong emotions that some of which was hard to handle. To sum up my 2009, it had been a roller coaster ride.

I started out my first day in 2009 with KBBG where we had the birthday surprise for our dear friend who happens to be my best friend, Su'aidah. It was an awesome night and since then, activities never stop pouring in for me. It was the start to prepare the end of my diploma journey and the start to prepare for a new beginning.

I rewarded myself with a trip to Malaysia with the bandclique in March. It was the first overseas trip I had with friends and definitely something on the calender to remember for quite awhile. Enjoyed my time there, and 5 days seem short and I wished it was longer. Although it is just Malaysia, when you are out of Singapore, any where is just fine.

2009 was the year I had graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma in Property Development and Facilities Management in hand. Awesome friends made, memories created definitely. That was the start of the perhaps most difficult moment of my life in 2009. That was the period where decisions were to be made, where rejections were hard to handle and the only thing I ever wanted to do at that point of time was to hide under a rock and not face the world.

But of course, I didn't hide under the rock or something like that. I convinced the elders about other alternative routes that I had been looking into and planning to take. And hell yeah, I am glad I did.

2009 was the year I enrolled myself in James Cook University, taking bachelor of Psychology. It was a big switch from my diploma and it took me quite sometime to change and adapt from practical studies to much more theoretical studies. And the very first friend I made there was Miss Goh Shu Xian who till now never fail to amuse me. (: Since then, the journey in JCU had started and many more memories to create with the newly found friends of 2009.

The last month of 2009 was drama-filled. I lost my grandfather that month in the midst of my hectic busy schedule of school and rehearsals. It was a great loss for my family and I only felt the impact of this loss a week later or so. But I am moving on, my grandma is finally moving on. So I guess everything's good. I kind of miss the family when we were together though. It was definitely a rare moment and I hope to have such gathering more in future.

To wrap up my December and the last month of 2009, I had 2 performances with the Philharmonic Youth Winds. My interest in music kind of died somewhere along the depression route but I am glad I still stick to Philyouth. Classiques, Extreme! was a great concert from my point of view. I enjoyed myself a lot before, during and after the performance. This time around, I got closer to my section and even closer to my friends. They are bunch of wonderful people to be with.

This year, I couldn't help but to fall into the Korean Music world. It was hard not to fall into it because most of the drama I was hooked on have at least one actor/actresses who is also a singer. And yes people, I am not that crazy over this Korean thing. It's just an addiction (: My current love is SHINee and I love them very much! And I have this feeling that I won't get out of this for a long period of time. So please, pardon me for me this.

2009 was all about the ending and the beginning. It was about letting go and picking the pieces where it was left. It was about knowing who I am and what I want to do in my life. It was the questions and answers that I was asking and searching for. It was a test of any form of relationship - from friendship to kinship to a probably impossible relationship. It was one of the toughest period of my life and I am glad that I managed to pull myself through the ordeals. Change is inevitable. I have no idea whether I had become a better person or a worse person. All I know that I had changed in one way or another and it doesn't really matter whether some people can accept it or not.

I am thankful for the people I have in my life - from family to friends. Thank You are merely two words that are being used over and over again from me to you but these words can never do it justice on how much I want to express my thanks towards all of them. I had lost a friend or two and made new friends too. Although some won't last forever, I am just happy that they had been or still am part of my life.

Thank You all for the memories created in 2009 (:

Now that 2009 is over, I wonder what 2010 has installed for me. I wonder how I am going to spend this year. I wasted some good months in 2009 and I hope I had learnt not to do it again in 2010. With that, GOODBYE 2009 AND HELLO 2010!

Surprise me 2010.

Happy New Year & Cheers to all!

till then,

toodles (:

took away

2009-12-28T00:53:00.000+08:00

The oldest and the youngest grandchildren of the family.

The age difference: 20 years

I haven't been blogging and I have actually tons to update about. From KBBG's dinner to Philyouth concert to the recent outings I had on Christmas, I seriously don't know where to start. Plus the fact, I have yet to fully come to terms with the farewell of my grandpa, I don't have the mood to blog.

I am having this Christmas/New Year's break from school, thank God. I seriously feel JCU is fcuk up in some areas and they should seriously improve the condition because students like me aren't pretty much happy about certain stuff in school. But despite of the "well deserved" break we got, I have 4 assignments to complete before school resume on the 4th Jan 2010. 3 sociology exercises and 1 stats report.

I am having another performance with the Philharmonic Youth Winds this coming Wednesday. Details are as follow:

30 December 2009, Wednesday
Venue: Esplanade's Outdoor Theatre
SET 1 - 7.30 pm to 8.15 pm
SET 2 - 8.45 pm to 9.30 pm

Somehow, I enjoyed my weekend. I spent time with my friends and family and it just felt awesome. I had one of the rarest family event on Saturday and I am still much pretty amused by the whole thing. I didn't know being the oldest have its advantage. I love my cousins, all of them in fact although some of them are seriously a pain in the ass. And I seriously had forgotten how big my family is. But of course, for now the exterior is as peaceful and tranquil as the sea but the interior is like __________________________.

Singapore Idol 2009 goes to SEZAIRI. I was like OH YEAH BABY! My mum literally scream out loud together with my cousin and dad. The whole house was filled with YAY and I LOVE YOU and stuff like that. Now I know where I get my ultra loud voice from. But Slyvia did an awesome job too. I can't deny that she's darn good tonight. Girls rocks, but the power of vote got Sezairi the title.

Okay, I have nothing else in mind to blog about. The next post is probably the last post of the year.

BY THE WAY,

I LOVE MY BGs!

missing: amina and syaa

AND FINAH IS BACK! :D

till then,
toodles

a loss

2009-12-19T22:11:00.000+08:00

Funerals are important rituals. They're not only recognition that a person has died; they're recognition that a person has lived.

(Love Happens, 2009)

Thanks all. I am doing just fine (:
Anyway, a living person has got to continue living right?

till then,
toodles

Am okay

2009-12-17T12:26:00.000+08:00

Dear __________,

When people are not okay, they usually say they are okay. And I am guilty of it. For once, I want to say that I am not okay. I think it's nothing to be ashamed of. When you are not okay, means you are just not okay. I am not okay, and I am wanting to come to terms with it. I am going through a rough road of life right now, and it will be long tough road.

So once awhile, I will not be okay and I can assure you I will be okay after I sort out my thoughts. I will fall down really hard and will take some time to pick myself up. I will feel vulnerable and mood swings release at a very high spped. I will be sad and so down, I cannot face the world. I will ignore you, them, everyone and hide in my own world. I will show my strong front but crushing and hurt inside. It may last for one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month or even one year.

But I can assure you again, after I am done coming terms with it, done thinking about it, I will be okay. So don't you worry, because I've grown up. I have my own ways to overcome such obstacles in life. And now, it's okay for you to let me go and let me be alone, because I am no longer a little girl. I have grow up, at least in my maturity level. You have given me your strength and your life's knowledge, all I need now is for you to believe in me and give me your trust.

It's okay to let go now because I am okay.

love,

colours/colors

2009-12-17T01:50:00.000+08:00

(credits: tumblr)

I am all good. Really good, that I am in the holilay (imitates Susu) mood. It's already mid-december and it's like 14 more days to end of the year. What have I done for the past few months sia? -_-"

Monday evening/night was gooooood. Just on Sunday night, I was thinking about the boys and I got to meet them the very next day. Was pretty much a happy girl that night and nothing about them had changed except that they have this manly feel. Nevertheless, they are still the immatured yet serious yet "hilarious" yet the same boys I know. I was randomly complaining to Babi how much I have not eaten putu piring for quite some time, and Darren actually bought them and brought to band. Awesome, just awesome. Thank you Darren! Gahhh, now I miss them already ): And I am probably not going for the bclique reunion because of rehearsal ): SAD TTM.

Tuesday was spent rolling on my bed and spent my whole day on my laptop and teevee and watching random videos on youtube. Supper at night with Finah, Fauzi, Idham and Khairul. Filled with nonsense, again and again and I just couldn't stop laughing! They made my night, just being them that way (:

Wednesday, I woke up with my teevee still on from the night before and it was Champagne on KBSworld and my awesome SHINee's Onew and Jonghyun was on the show! hahaha. GAHHH. The only reason my teevee was left on because I was watching Korea sing or something, and 2PM suppose to perform but they only come out at the last part of the show. I was waiting but ended up falling asleep. BAHHHH.

Anyway, I head down to the library to get the MJ book and met up with Susu and then Finah and then Fauzi and Idham and made our way down to BN since the band is having band camp. Combine and random stupid stuff done at the hall/AVA and catching up with some the juniors was gooooood. Left about 8plus 9 and went down to the airport to send Finah and Fauzi off. GAHH. I miss Finah already ): I got no one to gossip about Kpop till 25th dec ):

It's almost 2am and I got stats tutorial at 9am later. Good job Fidah for being wide awake still. The next few days seem a little mundane. Gotta add colours to my life!

Currently addicted to L.O.V.E sang by SHINee. Their english is good and their voice is just awesome. mellltttssss.

till then,
toodles

HAPPY (:

2009-12-11T03:34:00.001+08:00

You have no idea how happy we were (:

Thanks Finah for the awesome day/evening/night out. This is definitely the first for me, and hope to see more of this in future! I love going high and low, crazy and going almost insane, shouting and screaming, laughing and cheering with you! Thanks for dragging me into the music world when I was hooked on drama(s). Love you bits and pieces, Korea Fanatic :D

It's 3:28AM. Going to hit the bed.

Song Seunghyun took my breath away tonight ...

but it's Onew who totally captured my heart with his voice (:

till then,
toodles

Replay

2009-12-09T01:07:00.000+08:00

GAHHH. School has been fine. But I had great people around me and school doesn't seem to be a bad place afterall. Then again, I am having this massive mood swing and I am feeling cranky and mundane over and over again. GAHH. I WANT HOLIDAYS TO START KICKING IN. FAST. ): And I got a freaking stats test on thursday!

Speaking of Thursday, I can't wait for the day to come, because ............

F.T ISLAND IS COMING TO TOWN! (:

And yes, I will be at the airport with Finah and Idham to go crazy and stuff. EXCITED OR WHAT. It actually give me a little bit more motivation to study for Stats because I have get through Stats first before I can officially go crazy about them! (:

I must do stats. I must do stats. I love stats, I love stats! not.

December is packed with overload of activities and I kind of having love-hate feelings about it. I don't think I can go for the bclique's gathering and I am kind of bumped out about it. ): I am going to die, I haven't promote Philyouth's concert and haven't start selling my tickets too. Anyone interested in going for Philyouth's Classiques (Extreme) concert 2009, tell me ok? More details, HERE

BY THE WAY,

TaeMin & Onew (:

from SHINee

HAPPY TTM! :D

SHINee all the way (:

current addiction!

Gonna have a long day tomorrow.

till then,

toodles

FINE.

2009-12-06T23:26:00.001+08:00

(Credits to tumblr)

GAHHHHHH. It's Monday tomorrow, and the first week of December just gone like that. I am not looking forward to anything this week. Not that I have no plans or whatsoever. 12th Dec is an important date, I know that. But I just can't help it right now but just to feel a little mundane and a little boring. Don't ask because I will shoot you.

Before I typed blogger.com, I had so many things in mind to blog in out. But the minute the entry page loaded, my mind went .....................................

Maybe I should just go offline and get more rest.
Goodnight world.

till then,
toodles

Hi shu!

2009-12-03T12:01:00.000+08:00

HI FASTER GOH SHU XIAN!

YOU ARE FEATURED ON MY BLOG!

LOVE YOU SHU!

Love,

ME!

hate & love

2009-12-03T11:46:00.000+08:00

I am going to announce this officially.

I FREAKINGLY HATE STATISTICS.

Seriously, I am so bumped out about it. And I can't even not take the modules at all. ): I am stuck with statistics for life ): or at least for uni life. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I am doing something that I hate and I am still hope that the hatred will be turned into love. GAHHH.

ANYWAY,

New found love, SHINee (:

Not really new found love, discovered them pretty months back with their hit single, Juliet. They are pretty much the pretty boys with the adorable faces to go gugugaga about. And Onew is just gooooooood looking (: lalalalalalalalalalalalala. Just got even crazier with them recently and I can't help it, really!

Yesterday, random outing to town with the girls was gooooooooooooooooooood. And SP still haven't give me my pay! fcuuuuuukkkkkk. ): I want to shop like CRAZZZZZYYYYYYYY ):

Finah and me went crazy but nevertheless, I love her much! Looking forward to our crazy time together, online or not plus our future overseas trip together! :D Love you Korean sister!

FYI, I am having stats tutorial and I am not enjoying it. AT ALL. And I realise the school is filled with horrible aura and bitchy stuff/staff. Whatever. I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS CLASS. NOW. And I gave 1 out of 5 for the lecturer gives interest to the students of the module on the evaluation sheet.

BY THE WAY,

SEUNGHYUN

MELTS MY HEART COMPLETELY.

the smile is seriously a KILLER.

till then,

toodles

brutal truth

2009-12-03T02:59:00.005+08:00

(credits to tumblr)

I learn something new about life almost everyday through various means like friends, lecture notes and songs. Sometimes, the things that I had just enquired will somehow stick to me like forever because some of these things had made an impact in my life, whether it is big or small. Like songs, my ipod can be considered as the ipod with the most not updated songs. In fact, most of the songs, if you guys know me well, are songs that had made an impact in my life, something that has inspired me but most of it all, these songs, most of them, brings and remind me of memories that I had created so far in my life.

Just few hours ago, I had discovered something about my life. It's a brutal truth that it took me a while to get over the feelings that came after the discovery. It's not pleasant at all. But because of the trust that had been built over the years and that because now, I am seen as a grown up, I had to know. I wish I didn't know yet, but no matter what, one day it will be found out. I was angry for awhile but I see no point of having such angry feeling for a long time. I had been brought up to have a peaceful soul but once awhile, I will just burst into flames. It's normal I guess, because afterall, I am only human.

At that instant, my life changed. And for once, I didn't want to grow up. It was a childish thought but I have to face the reality. No matter how much I hate it, how much I do not want to know, I cannot escape. I can run away and pretend on the surface that everything is fine. But who am I kidding? I will only hurt myself even more in the process. I am not saying I have let this go, it's too fast to let it go. I feel that I have yet to come to term with it and it just a matter of time on when I will. Right now, I want to be alone to digest everything that I had been told. I need to be alone for awhile and let my thoughts run freely. Because through thinking, I feel sane and in sync with myself. And this time, I should be frank with myself, really frank about what I truly feel. It's not going to be smooth ride but I am going to hold on to it and let myself fall into the darkness and let myself sink in the thoughts. Once I am ready, I will gather whatever strength I have and pull myself back together.

Anyway,
Happy Birthday Dad (2nd Dec) and Mum (3rd Dec)
Love you guys (:

It's almost 3 am, I had spent the time thinking and watching Korean stuff online and I think I should call it a night. I have school at 9am later and I am madly craving for mashed potato.

till then,
toodles

report what!

2009-12-01T02:08:00.000+08:00

Time check: 1:56AM

Yes, I am still awake and am enjoying the awesome music plus warm water at the comfort of my own room. It's a peaceful and cold night. I am sitting on my bed and staring at the laptop screen, typing this out. I am not having holidays and yes, there's school for me tomorrow. Unfortunately, class starts at 9am for me which means lesser time for me to sleep.

Anyway, I am finally done with PY2106 first report! JOY TO MY WORLD! After much procrastinating during term break and much surprised with the sudden rush of motivation, I AM DONE WITH THE REPORT! I am happy, super happy. BUT there's nothing to be really happy about for the days/weeks to come. Because this is just the first, there are many more to come. ):

Watched another band concert yet again, it was enjoyable because I was entertaining myself during the first half where the guest performer, the choir was performing. Pretty much enjoyed the second half because it was more of the band. Loved the dance during the encore! The best thing about the concert, Mr Idham Rahim captured my heart, mind and soul when he came on stage and displayed his awesome saxophone skills! YAY TO IDHAM FOR BEING THE SEXY PRETTY BOY TONIGHT!

Time check: 2:07AM

I better get some sleep. And yay to no stats lecture later!

till then,
toodles

one, two, imy!

2009-11-30T00:33:00.001+08:00

Term break going to be over soon and I am not exactly looking forward to school. Because starting from tomorrow onwards, it will be a rush of time with assignments pouring in and term test that's coming up. Plus the fact that tomorrow is the last day of November, and first day of December will be a day after, I am feeling so ........................... bumped out. Time fucking flies fast and I hate it.

I spent most of the time catching up on sleep and catching up with friends during the term break where I am supposed to be diligently doing my report and mug. I did that, but not as much as I should do. Bummer, I suck. To a certain extent, I had so wasted my term break. I suck again. GAHHHHH. I suck, I suck! ):

And I miss you, do you know that? AHHHHHHHH. I SUCK ):

It's 12:24AM and I am still awake, listening to songs and somewhat editing the report and I am not even sleepy. I am going to die tomorrow. I bet I will be like a walking zombie and a typical student who will watch the clock ticks and waiting for school to be over and done with. I am such a good example of a student. GAHHH.

BY THE WAY,

I am addicted listening to Raining, by F.T Island.

Good song to listening during the rainy season.

I STILL CANNOT ACCEPT THE FACT THAT TERM BREAK IS OVER. bummer.

till then,
toodles

RANDOM MAX!

2009-11-29T00:31:00.003+08:00

Hari Raya Aidiladha wasn't as lively as I thought it would be. Nevertheless, I had my share of fun and tons of catching up with the younger cousins and my aunts. Food was goooooood. Granny made nasi lemak instead of bryani but I shouldn't complain because there were tons of chicken to eat! :D Plus the fact that me and Ain were bored, we went to "explore" eunos area and get a tub of ice cream for the cousins to share.

Philyouth Saturday rehearsal had commerced and my weekends will be gone with music making till the end of 2009. Bummer, but I shouldn't complaint. With 2 days less to mug and chiong assignments, I have to make use of the remaining days into good use. I shall go out less, and stay home more. Watch less tv shows and drama online, and read more and study more. And etc etc etc. But what I really need now is a whole lot of motivation and less of procrastination.

You Are Beautiful has finally come to an end! I am so so so so SAD ): No more Korean drama for now for me to look forward to! Sad ttm! I think, this will be one of the drama, I have to buy the dvd when it's out! Omgosh, I am going insane! How how how?!

Yong Hwa and Hong Ki! They are good singers, good actors!

awwww.. I am going to miss seeing them ):

Anyway, I think I am going to die for Stats. Stats is something to die for - in good and bad ways. I am having negative aura about stats and I don't like it at all. Py2106 report is coming along, but my words are way exceeding the requirement. Will do the final editing and submission tomorrow, I hope.

I should so a sum up of my term break tomorrow night or something. FINAH! I want more of Hong Ki and Seunghyun!

BY THE WAY,

His smile is a total killer!

Seunghyun! (:

till then,

toodles

Hari Raya Haji

2009-11-27T15:30:00.001+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA ADILADHA!

update more later.

Exceeding words.

2009-11-26T18:19:00.002+08:00

I am still, still, editing PY2106 presentation write up aka report. It is getting on my nerves, big time. Number of words I have up to date for the report is 900 words which is excluding the introduction and a reasonable/decent result discussion section. I am going insane, editing here and there.

To come to think about it, I should have get the report done and over with by Tuesday night. But no, I did not. I was procrastinating. Not only that, I had been up till 2 am plus max, googling and watching random videos on youtube or viikii on F.T Island. Call me crazy, but I am!

Thanks to Finah, I am addicted to them. She actually entertained me few nights ago till 2am plus just on HongKi. It was madness, but I had fun laughing secretly in my room in front of my laptop. Finah and HongKi made my night, just like that! (:

Went to watch a band concert yesterday, after so long. Not that I had been going out and watch concert, just that most of concerts/performance I blogged about happened to me as a performer rather than an audience. So anyway, watched Addiction III and it was okay, i think? Whatever it is, I was entertained and it was a good job done by the band. Saw Boss after so long and he still hasn't changed, tsk tsk.

It's 6:15pm and I am meeting the boys for dinner and I am not even ready yet.

BY THE WAY,

SONG SEUNGHYUN (:

from F.T Island

He has a KILLER smile!

Till then,

toodles

I learn

2009-11-23T00:53:00.002+08:00

( pic: credits to tumblr)

"I am holding on to the memories of you and me. I cannot make up what has got into me because all I ever did for the past few months was to think about you. All this time, I wanted to go up to you and tell you how everything was for me and I wonder how it will be for you too. I wanted to tell you but lack of courage. Right now, at this point of time, even if I tell you what I truly feel, it will mean nothing. Because all this time, while I was loving you, you had love someone else. I let you take my heart and you held it tight. But it ended up being broken by you.

God, I was such a fool."

Just this week alone, I've discovered more about life, love and friendship. I learn the factors that builds a person and factors that will break them apart. I learn that not everyone will have same level of thinking on a particular issue and that in this world, every one is just different. I think, the most important lesson I learn this week, is to let things go. Afterall, a living person has to continue to live right?

Everything around me seems to be going at a very fast pace. Too fast, that I can't catch up with time. I am in the need of time. I need to stop for awhile to take a breather and think things through. But I do not have that privileged right now. I am so packed with things in my own world. I seriously need a break. Then again, who doesn't?

It's already Mid-November. One and a half month more to 2010. How time flies.

till then,
toodles

The Last Song

2009-11-21T19:09:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love but that doesn’t mean you love them any less. Sometimes it even makes you love them more."

- The Last Song, Nicholas Sparks

I ditched studying hours and drown myself in Nicholas Sparks' latest book, The Last Song. This got to be his best works up to date. I spent less than a day to complete the book. It gave me a new sensation of emotions. I literally laugh, felt angry and was on the verge of tears while reading the novel. The overall experience was purely awesome. I fall in love with Sparks all over again. He's one truly amazing writer that I truly respect and adore.

The best part of all, a movie on this is coming out next year. The Last Song and Dear John, the movie coming out in 2010. Something to look forward for in 2010 (:

Recently caught the Paranormal Activity. Supposedly to watch with the boys but unfortunately, my weekends for this month (and next month too, sigh) is packed and Babi can only be able to "come out and play" on weekends and watching on weekdays was definitely out of the question. Anyway, watched the ~~stupid~~ movie with Nina, Susu, CY, Idham and Finah and I seriously do not want to talk about it. Okay, maybe a little. I literally freak out. What's new uh? Whatever happened in the theatre will not be discussed here. Those who know, knows. The bottom line is, I COULDN'T SLEEP after the freaking movie. To make it worse, I just found out the movie is based on a true story. That seriously doesn't help me to sleep at all. Bummer, I slept with the lights on for 2 nights.

I am addicted to SHINee's Ring Ding Dong. And I am loving it! (:

BY THE WAY,

Lee Hong Ki

new found love (:

till then,
toodles

You Are Beautiful

2009-11-18T22:07:00.002+08:00

Am currently obsessed with Lee Hong Ki, Jung Yong Hwa and Jang Geun Suk in the drama, You are Beautiful. Awesome drama (with semi-great storyline) plus the drop great hot looking gorgeous actors, my Thursday and Friday nights will be spent watching the drama on Viikii! :D And now, I can't wait for tomorrow for episode 13! AHHHH. I am so in love, really (:

And because Hong Ki is like part of F.T Island (Korean boyband), my itchy fingers went to google and search on them and you can say that I am so in love with Hong Ki even more! Current favourite song is my current blog song now. Always Be Mine, english version by F.T Island. The voice is OMG. I literally melt listening to the whole song! hahaha. I LIKE! :D

I can't believe week 4 is going to be over by tomorrow noon. 4 weeks of school and next week is term break which means catching up in readings, chiong assignments and mugged for term test. With extra rehearsals adding up for Phlilyouth, I can foresee my weeks are packed. Really packed ):

I had fun with stats just now but it seems that I a little behind for stats. Got to buck up! GO!

Singapore Idol was gooood. I like Sezairi! :D And he was gooooooood! (:

Stats tutorial tomorrow, bummer.

BY THE WAY,

JUNG YONG HWA (:

hotness!

till then,
toodles

PhilYouth in Concert

2009-11-17T17:39:00.000+08:00

The Philharmonic Youth Winds

led by Mr Adrian Chiang

23rd December 2009, 7:30PM

Victoria Concert Hall

Tickets at $12 each

Repertoire:

Tchaikovsky’s Slavonic March. Op. 31.

Mendelssohn’s Concert Piece No. 2, Op. 114, transcribed for Two Clarinets and Wind Orchestra.
Johan De Meij’s Extreme Make-over

James Barnes' emotionally stirring Symphony No. 3 “The Tragic”

Contact me or any of the PhilYouth members for tickets!

I have a boyfriend

2009-11-13T17:45:00.000+08:00

(credits to tumblr)

Don't even start asking me what the picture above means. It's very statistic kind of graphs, I thought I share it on my blog. I had spent close to 2hrs on statistics and it totally drained my mental energy away. I spent most of the time re-doing the tutorial questions and I am still unsure about it. URGH. It's really annoying. It's like I remembered how I came to conclude the answer and when I tried to do it again, GONE. It's such a bummer. I seriously think that I need more practices with the questions. Motivation, come quick. Where have you gone to?

For the next few weeks till end of this trimester, I will devote my life to Describing and Analysing Human Behaviour, also famously known as STATISTICS. From now till the end of this trimester, I will love Stats more than I love eating. I have a boyfriend, and the name is Stats. Till we break up Stats, I will be studying you. So you better be nice, if not I die.

Whatever, I am having the love-hate relationship with Stats. In the first place, I can't believe I am with Stats. Bummer.

STATS, YOU BETTER BE GOOD.

till then,
toodles

Bejewelled Blitz

2009-11-12T11:26:00.000+08:00

Bejewelled Blitz - the souce of entertainment every Thursday morning.

Statistics is really killing me in the brain and my heart and stabbing my soul like 98736218763128 times. I tried, i really did. I woke up with happy thoughts and full of energy for school but the minute I entered, any form of energy and motivation I had gathered - BOOMZ - gone! I should seriously shoot myself in the head for this. BOOO. It's not me. It's Stats. ):

till then,
toodles

the busy feeling

2009-11-08T23:51:00.000+08:00

Saturday's evening was spent at Charles' place for his 21st. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAT! It was nice to see the familiar faces that haven't been seen for a very long time. The food was goooooood, I like! Spent most of the time there catching up with each other, updating each other on the pleasant, annoying, happy, sadness, random things that had occurred in our respective life. Overall time spent there was gooooood. Next up will be at Pei Shan's 21st. (:

Sunday was equally good. It's Philyouth day! Had sectionals (like FINALLY) before combined today. I like like the section's sound (: Enjoyed myself throughout the sectionals time. No pressure, just plain music making. Love my section deeps! By the time it was combined, I was zonked out. Was practically stoning and just can't wait for it to be over because I was just tired. Met up with the usuals after practice for dinner. Fauzi drove. So had dinner at Tanjong Pagar and randomly suggestion to Marina Barrage. We did and I was glad. It was my first time there, and I was contented. Would love to go again! Headed back home after which.

I just looked through my organiser and there are so many things that are going to happen and need to do. Just too many. I enjoyed having the feel of busy but it is usually around this period that my mood is dangerously high and low. It is during this period where I will be missing sleep much ):

It used to be so easy to pick up the phone and dial your number to have a conversation or two. To talk about you and me, problems, thoughts or feelings. It used to be so simple. Right now, it takes me a lot of courage to do so. I miss those times of course. But I just wonder whether a change has taken place in our respective lives for the past few months that this had to happen. Sometimes I know you, sometimes I don't. I just miss you, that's all.

Sociology tomorrow, both tutorial and lecture. 9AM, bummer.

till then,
toodles